


“It’s you, it always has been.”

by Spark_Stark



Series: Pete’s HotchReid Shorts [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cute, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29488578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spark_Stark/pseuds/Spark_Stark
Summary: i wrote these all on my phone with no proofreading and no capital letters lmao
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Series: Pete’s HotchReid Shorts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165985
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	“It’s you, it always has been.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote these all on my phone with no proofreading and no capital letters lmao

for years, reid has been desperately in love with a man who does not love him back. he’s come to accept this over time, but the thought of him still makes his chest hurt so much he has to sit down. 

before haley died, hotch was starting to get over his failed marriage. he was even thinking about asking out the man he’s been harbouring feeling for for some months. it wasn’t love at the start, no, it was just a distant longing. when he smiled hotch would feel a little lighter and when he cried hotch wanted to offer a shoulder. 

then haley was gone, and with it was any preconceived ideas of moving on. 

one particularly unfortunate day, reid was suffering from a headache. the type of headache that blanketed your senses and hurt all over with no relief. a soon-to-be-migraine-headache. morgan was his insistent self, jibbing reid about a women he wanted to set reid up with. 

usually it didn’t bother him. but usually he didn’t have a headache that burnt at the edges of all his nerves. “morgan i don’t want to date a woman! i’m fucking gay!” 

blanketing your senses? yeah. he didn’t know how loud his voice was until everybody was staring at him in complete shock. 

not shocked that he was gay - their betting pool was going two years strong - but shocked at how un-spencer like the outburst was. 

torn between shrinking into his seat until he disappeared and pulling a forrest gump, reid grabbed whatever papers were within his reach and clambered up the stairs to hotch’s office. he knocked as he opened the door and closed it by pressing his back up against it. 

“i heard shouting, i was about to come down and see what was happening.” hotch said, looking up from his desk to reid’s distraught face. “are you okay?” he asked softly, his eyebrows rising with concern in a way that made him whole face look so much softer. 

the files in reid’s hands dropped to the floor as he let out an unexpected sob. hotch was by his side in an instant with his large, warm hands framing reid’s face delicately. “hey,” he whispered. “it’s alright, it’s alright.”

he guided reid to the couch, stepping past the papers. “i’ve just- my head hurts so bad.” he cried. 

hotch smoothed the hair out of reid’s face and shushed him. “you don’t need to explain, just let it out. we can’t fix it later.” 

reid dozed off against hotch’s body. the warmth that radiated from him coupled with his soft voice and the fact reid hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in almost a week had him passed out against hotch in no time. 

it was then hotch realised. his feelings hadn’t really gone away. 

they were hiding somewhere within him waiting for a catalyst to pull them up and back into his heart. and now it throbbed with abandonment, from years left untreated. 

he took a deep breath and the body against him stirred to wake. “i’m sorry, i didn’t-“ 

“it’s okay, spencer.” hotch cut him off with reassurance. “tell me what happened?” 

reid sighed and tried to push himself away from hotch and put a modest amount of distance between them, but hotch’s instincts had him grabbing at reid’s arms to keep him where he was. 

neither mentioned it.

“morgan was trying to set me up with some women from his gym. usually it doesn’t bother me, he’s always trying to set me up with somebody, but i’m just so tired and my head hurt so much.” he took a deep breath before continuing. “it’s not that i can’t find somebody to date. i could if i wanted to. but i don’t want to. there’s a... man, and i’ve been in love with him for five years. it’s ridiculous because i know i can’t have him and i really should just move on but i don’t want to.”

hotch stayed patiently silent as reid talked. reid so rarely talked about his own feelings or personal life that hotch was afraid if he interrupted reid would stop altogther. “i know it’s not healthy but i’ve resigned myself to being lonely. because he’s the only one i want and if i can’t have him then i don’t want anybody. it’s stupid but...” reid shrugged. 

the ache in hotch’s chest was making itself known. they all knew reid was holding back from dating for one reason or another. they had mostly guessed it was because of reid’s child trauma of his father leaving and he didn’t want the same thing to happen to him. 

but learning that there was somebody out there hurting the most beautiful man in the world and he couldn’t do anything to help was even worse. it was worse than reid fearing being abandoned. reid didn’t want hotch like hotch wanted him. why would he? he’s too old and damaged and emotionless and- 

“who is it?” he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. 

reid shook his head feverently. “no, no. i can’t say.” 

hotch was breathing broke my. “please, spencer.” he begged. 

it was so unlike hotch to ask such a thing. to _beg_ for it even more so. it threw reid for a loop.

“it’s you,” reid said, before he could even think about saying it. “it always has been.” 

just like in the bullpen, the office was completely silent. reid was almost certain hotch wasn’t breathing. another wave of tears was threatening to spill over so he stood up. hotch was still processing reid’s words and it was easy for reid to pull out of his grip. 

his legs were wobbly when he stood and reid almost fell back onto the floor, but hotch was there. hotch was holding him again. he was looking up into hotch’s eyes, he was warm and he felt _safe_. 

“can i kiss you?” hotch asked. his voice was so delicate like it was about to break. 

reid blinked. “what?”

hotch leaned down, his face an inch from reid’s now. his breathe was a whisper against reid’s face but he didn’t touch their lips together. 

he was so close reid was aching for hotch’s lips against his own. “mhm, yes. yes, please do kiss me.” he said. 

their mouths slotted against one another like a two puzzle pieces; made to be connected together as one. 

the years of longing made it almost impossible to pull away, like the longer they went without confessing had manifested itself in a magnetic resonance between them. 

it hurt to pull away, but they did. “is it really?” hotch asked.

“yes, it is.”


End file.
